180 Days to Nowhere
Members (pictured below left to right): Steve, Chico, Aaron, Josh, Mike
Last Seen Together: 6 Months to Live Final Performance at the Terminal Bar, Minneapolis - May 2005

June 15, 2005

Dear 180 Days to Nowhere,

It is with reluctance and heavy heart that I must formally detail the dissolution of the relationship that occurred between us from November 2004 to May 2005. As agreed upon, here is my complete and semi-accurate assessment of what occurred, responsibilities and division of assets:

Late Summer 2004
Hey, let's face it. This relationship was never about loyalty and commitment. It was all about passion and lust, and I've got the stains to prove it. Oh sure, we all listed our "preferences" up front. You know the "who and what we liked to play with," and of course, what was most "convenient." But the whole thing was as prearranged as a third world marriage and we all knew it!

Fall 2004
Originally the five of us just met to talk and feel each other out (not literally, of course). We wanted to plan our future. Mike, who is so giving, housed the whole affair for the entirety of the relationship (approximately three times a month for at least some of the members). Mike provided the "Frog-room," a PA, and beverages (some of which were homemade and required special instructions to avoid brain damage). Though I know we all feel emotionally attached, it is only fitting that you, Mike, keep the house, your wife, and the dogs.

Winter 2004/05
Every relationship has a leader, dominant member, or taskmaster, if you will. We had two: Bearzy and Josh. Like a mother and father you provided us vision, direction, songs, homework, beer, love, recordings, and the sharp sting of a freshly plucked switch lashing across the bared bottoms of band members desperately needing a crisp reminder of the task at hand. Thank you, sirs.

Chico was our veteran shredder who brought us 80's energy with Anoka sensibility. (oxymoron?) Could we really have pulled off the Squier medley without you, Chico? I shudder to think... 

And I, myself, am not innocent. I know perfectly well that my song-writing contributions sunk us to the inevitable sophomoric cretins that we became. But the three of you can keep all the songs. Keep them in your heart...your soul...hell, keep ‘em in a freakin’ shoebox, for all I care! I'm moving on with my life!

Spring 2005
Yes, we did look great together. We knew how to dress, accessorize, and shake our collective moneymaker for all it was worth! Remember our florescent shift dresses? Lime-green, blaze orange, tight purple, and Mike, only breast implants away from being the hottest thing in a sundress this side of the Minnehaha. (Note to selves; wear underwear next time.) And we musn't forget Bearzy. Dear, sweet Bearzy: tempting, taunting, titillating in an oversized powder-blue lounge suit like some wild Elvis / Carrot Top hybrid coming off a 3 day drunk. Sadly, all of this culminated in a final soiree at the Terminal Bar on Friday the 13^th –an inevitable ending to a doomed relationship. Many pitchers and many pictures.

Conclusion - Though there are still loose ends to tie up (CD in July), it truly is over. I hope you all find someone who treats you better...soon...like this fall, perhaps.
Remember:  Don't hate…heal.

Love always, Steve

PS: I'm keeping the dresses, they're important to me.